UNPREDICTABLE

' ' ' May your hands always be busy and your feet always be swift and may you stay forever young ' ' ' 

-- Eddie Vedder

/* It's late in the evening, Anudeep walks out of the office and sees Janet waiting outside */ 

Anudeep: Heyy!

Janet (Apathetic): What are you doing so late at work? Didn't go home yet?

Anudeep: Yeah, today was a long day, heading home now.

Janet: Ohh, okay.

Anudeep (Cheekily): I think this scooty and you are made for each other 😛

Janet: Yeah, so? 😒

Anudeep: Arey it's a compliment!

Janet: Thank you 😒

Anudeep: Actually scooty ko insulted feel hona chaiye.

Janet (😑): How do you even come up with such nonsense!

Anudeep: Arey aise hi, I'm kidding yaar.

Janet: Hmm.

Anudeep: By the way I'm sorry.

Janet: Sorry for what?

Anudeep: The other day I was a bit rude to you na. I didn't mean it though. But yeah I'm sorry.

Janet: That was so many days back, you're still thinking about it!?

Anudeep: Well yeah, you just left I didn't even get a chance to apologize. 

Janet: It's okay.

# Awkward silence ensues

Anudeep: Soooo, how's work?

Janet: Good.

Anudeep: How's your.. how's your sister?

Janet: Good.

Anudeep: And how's the weather?

Janet (😕): I think you and I live in the same city!?

Anudeep: Oh yeah. Right. My bad.

# Janet gets a call from her roommate.

# In the mean while Anudeep drifts into his thoughts

' ' Itna pasand karta hai tu usko toh bol kyun nahi deta, 'I want to go out with you'. Sid: Agar itna hi smooth hai tu, toh Janet k samne kya ho jata hai tujhe. Anudeep: Uspe toh crush hai na isliye.  
Sid: toh Janet kaunsa patne wali hai Tere se' ' 

Janet: Alright I'll see you later. My roommate's waiting on the other side of the building.

Janet: Oh, hello.

Anudeep: Haan.

Janet: Bye.

Anudeep (Blankly): Will you go out on a date with me?
Janet (Baffled): What?

Anudeep: Will you go out on a date with me?
Janet: How come out of the blue you're asking me this?

Anudeep: I want to go out on a date with you that's why I'm asking you this.

Janet (😏): You're tired. Go home. Bye.

# She rides away 

# Anudeep turns around

Anudeep: Damn it! Nahi bolna chaiye tha! Chutiya hun mai!

-- IN KABILAN'S LIVING ROOM -- 

/* Everybody in the living room is relaxing, having a good time and watching Manchester City vs Arsenal */

Kabi: What do you think about Leroy Sane?

Kabi: I think he's really really entertaining to watch?

Sid: Oh he's a wonderful player! I wish he was at Arsenal.

Shraddha (Nonchalant): We have Sanchez.

Sid: Yeah but for how long, he's out of contract plus he's aging.

Sid: Every time Sane runs with the ball he sort of floats across the grass. It's like he doesn't even touch the ground. So Elegant!

Sid: And what's more interesting is that he's nowhere near his true potential. His career's apex will come in 3 or 4 years time, can you imagine what he'll be by then?

Kabi: True, true. I agree

Kabi: I mean once he's added a little bit more composure in front of the goal. And once he develops a better understanding with his teammates over the years. He can be anything he wants to be!

Sid (Lamenting): Man! How I wish he was an Arsenal player!

Kabi: Haha, at least you can afford to have a wishful thinking

Sid: Oh c'mon! He could be a Tottenham player in the future you never know.

Kabi: It's not that. . . 

Sid: To be honest, Tottenham is playing better football in the past couple of years as opposed to Arsenal.

Kabi: I know, but it's our pay structure, we don't give out blank checks to players. I mean, Harry Kane. Our best player, arguably, the league's best player gets paid only £150,000 / week.

Kabi: There's no way we could lure Sane to White Hart Lane.

Sid: Wembley, apparently.

Kabi: Yeah!

Kabi: On top of that, we need to win titles to keep our best players at the club and bring in promising signings.

Sid: If it makes you happy, you're not the only club struggling with that.

Kabi: Tum log kum se kum FA cup toh jeet jate ho har saal.

Kabi: Our biggest achievement in the recent past has been beating Real Madrid at Wembley 😑

Sid: Which is huge!

Kabi: I know and it makes me happy. But. . . titles yaar!

# Kabilan laments

# Anudeep walks into the house.

HE: Kya hua aaj late ho gaya?

Anudeep: Haan aaj thoda zyada kaam tha.

HE: Aisa kya kaam tha, shakal pe baara baje hue hain tere.

Anudeep: Arey wo kal thoda late soya tha na isliye.

# Anudeep walks to the refrigerator

Anudeep: Does anyone want a beer?

HE: Nahi

Kabi: Not for me.

Sid: I'm good.

Shraddha: Nope.

# Shraddha gets a call from Aparna

Shraddha (On call): Arey come up no. The match ends in 20 minutes, we'll leave after that.

Kabi: Aj kal actually merko bhi kafi kaam ho gaya hai.

HE: Toh karo ab, itne din se ghar pe aaram kar raha tha. Ab pata chalega.

# Aparna enters the house

Aparna: Hey guys

Kabi: Hmm, have you gained weight?

Aparna: Hmm, have you lost sight?

Kabi: 😑 Touche.

Shraddha: Madam kidhar hai apni?

Aparna: She's working on some presentation with her suppliers for tomorrow.

HE: Arey haan, mujhe bhi bata rahi thi wo k kuch toh presentation hai kal.

HE: Apparently everyone is busy. 😗

Aparna: Talk to me about it. Manager ko financials compare karne hai, year over year expenditure k, yaar last do quarters k toh dekh le pehele. Aur yehi week chaiye usko! 😒

He: So good times huh? 😏 

Aparna: Ekdum 😪

HE: 😁

Aparna: Mai hamesha sochti thi mai fashion designer banungi.

Kabi: Hahaha

Aparna: Arey, what's so funny about it?

HE: Yeh kab ki baat hai?

Aparna: Back when I was in 10th grade.

Kabi: 10th standard me toh mujhe bhi ISRO scientist banna tha.

Aparna: Shakal dekh le apni.

Kabi: Toh uske liye shakal thodi chaiye. 

HE: Tujhe designing pasand hai?

Aparna: Haan matlab TV pe shows aate the toh dekhti thi. Acha lagta tha.

HE: So you know a lot about fashion designing, is it?

Aparna: Aata toh mujhe kuch nahi hai, haan par wohi, interest hai.

HE: Acha

Aparna: Chal fashion designing nahi, lekin yeh nahi socha tha k kabhi Accounting Manager banungi.

Aparna (Wondering): Kahan fashion designing, kahan accounts. Totally opposite!

# HE stares at her and starts thinking

Aparna: What happened?

HE: Ek choti si story sunata hun dhyaan se sunna.

HE: Ek club hai Manchester United. Aur ek club hai Chelsea.

HE: Ab season shuru hone se pehele dono ko strikers ki zarurat thi.

Aparna: Striker?

HE: Position hoti hai football me.

Aparna: Acha

HE: Ek player hai Morata

HE: Acha player hai. Manchester United ko chaiye tha.

HE: Ek aur player hai Lukaku.

HE: Wo bhi acha player hai. Chelsea ko chaiye tha.

HE: Ab United ne Morata se baat ki toh Morata khush ho gaya aur kaha, "mai bhi tumhare liye khelna chahata hun". Toh Morata k club Real Madrid ne kaha, "thik hai bhai, hume koi dikkat nahi hai, £79 million do aur le jao ise".

HE: Toh United ne kaha, "yeh toh bahut zyada hai!"

HE: Toh Real ne kaha, "thik hai koi baat nahi thoda sa kum de do aur apna koi acha player de do saath me".

HE: Toh United nahi maana aur piche hat gaya. Toh Morata ho gaya udaas.

Aparna: Acha. . . Okay.

HE: Ab Chelsea gayi Lukaku k pas, toh Lukaku khush ho gaya aur kaha, "mai bhi tumhare liye khelna chahta hun". Toh Lukaku k club Everton ne kaha, "thik hai bhai, hume koi dikkat nahi hai £75 million do aur le jao ise".

HE: Toh Chelsea ne kaha, "yeh toh bahut zyada hai!"

HE: Chelsea ne socha kuch din baad aate hain shayad price gir jayega iska. Aur Lukaku pehele bhi khela hai chelsea k liye.

Aparna (Baffled): What!? He's played for them before?

HE: Yes.

Aparna (Quizzically): Then why did they let him go? 

HE: Because... it's Chelsea...that's what they do. 

Aparna (Still wondering): Okay. . .

HE: Ab United frustration me aa k Everton k pas chala gaya. Everton bola, "£75 million de do".

HE: United ne de diye, do din baad Lukaku ban gaya United ka player.

Aparna (Smiling): What!?

HE: Haan.

Aparna: Toh Chelsea ne kya kiya.

HE: Jo Chelsea ko sahi laga unne kiya.

Aparna: Don't tell me they bought Morata!?

HE: Ahaan

Aparna (Smiling): Fuck.

HE: Chelsea gaya Real k pas, toh Real ne bola, "£70 million de do".

HE: Do din baad Morata ban gaya Chelsea ka player.

# Silence ensues

HE: Ab bata, puri duniya soch rahi thi United khareedega Morata aur Chelsea khareedega Lukaku. Lekin hua kya?

HE: Totally opposite.

# Aparna is still wondering 

HE: Tum jab jo predict karte ho, jo plan karte ho, hamesha uska opposite hi hota hai. That's life for you!

Aparna: And how are they performing now?

HE: Dono bekar.

Aparna: Pfff 😄

Aparna: Ab Shraddha nahi bol rahi toh tu shuru ho gaya football ko leke.

HE: Hey, you learned something new.

Aparna: Kal tak bhool bhi jaungi.

HE: Kyun?
Aparna: Kahan yeh sare naam yaad rehene wale hain?

# Sterling dives and Man City gets a penalty

Shraddha: All Pep Guardiola does is train his players how to dive!

Anudeep: Oh c'mon, he's a proven tactician.

Shraddha: He taught Barcelona how to cheat.

Anudeep: You can't exactly call it cheating.

Shraddha: Really! Everyone in that team dives all the time!

Anudeep: Aisa nahi hai.

Shraddha: Kuch bhi! Suarez dives, Busquets dives, Messi at times, Neymar used to dive when he was at Barca.

Anudeep: You need to understand that Barcelona's playing style is largely based on ball possession. They're known for possessing the ball 60 - 70% on an average every match, sometimes even more.

Anudeep: Now what does that mean? The opposition has to do a lot of defending. You can imagine when playing against a possessive team like Barcelona, defenders can get frustrated at one point and make "professional" tackles in order to prevent them from scoring. This results in cards, often times yellow and sometimes red.

Shraddha: So?

Anudeep: So what?

Shraddha: So you're saying Barcelona players don't dive?

Anudeep: In my opinion, Barcelona's style of play enforces the opponent to make fouls which pressures the referees to book the players after a while

Shraddha (😠): Such a subjective answer! How can you be so biased!?

Shraddha: All Barcelona players are divers.

Shraddha: Neymar ki toh eak photo bhi ayi thi internet pe

Sid: What photo?

Shraddha: He's standing next to a swimming pool taking a selfie and someone commented "Neymar at training" 😁

Sid: Haha

Anudeep: Haha

Anudeep: That I agree, Neymar dives sometimes.

# Anudeep gets a notification on his phone

' ' Janet: Tomorrow at Nando's. 8 PM? ' ' 

Anudeep: 😀😀

HE: Kya hua? Itni khushi?

Anudeep: Kuch nahi bas aise hi 😀

-- X --