I CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS!
/* Anudeep, Kabi and HIM are sitting in the living room, working on their laptops */
/* Anudeep gets up to get coffee while Kabi is aggressively typing something in his laptop. On his way back he walks over to Kabi and watches over his shoulder */
Kabi: “I absolutely love this charger!! I didn't expect it to charge my phone this quick, I have another wireless charger which is good but this one's better. I also like how it's designed, the red color on the top and love how the green light pops up around the silhouettes when the phone is put on charge. It's a thumbs up from me!! :)... "
Anudeep: Toh yeh kaam chal ra hai inka!
Kabi: 😃 Arey maine ek charger mangaya tha. Seller ne bola, "if you can just leave a review online for our product, we'll refund you the money"
Anudeep: Kitne ka tha?
Kabi: Rs. 1500
Anudeep: Full reimburse kar ra hai? 😯
Kabi: Haan 😃
Anudeep: Thoda sa idhar bhi dena.
Kabi: Chal nikal!
Anudeep: 😁
# Anudeep goes back to the sofa
# Kabi picks up his phone
Kabi: Yeh sun
HE: Sunao
Kabi: So, this is a Fibonacci joke.
Kabi: It's worse than the last two jokes you've heard, combined!
HE: 😆
Kabi: 😆
Kabi: You know who told me this joke?
HE: Who?
Kabi: Siri.
HE: Siri is just the best, man!
Kabi: I know, I just love her!
HE: I wish my wife would get me like Siri.
Kabi: Brooo, too far, too far!!
HE: I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Anudeep: You guys know, right!?.. Siri, is just an AI assistant.
Kabi: I know.
# just stared at him blankly
Anudeep: Siri, kisi ko nahi mil rahi!
Kabi: Don't worry, Siri is my sister.
Anudeep: Siri is not real, broo!
Kabi: Arey meri behen ka naam Siri hai!
Anudeep: Ohhh! 😬
Kabi: Sirisha.
HE: How come you're working from home?
Anudeep: Mai kar sakta hun. I don't have a restriction like that, agar mann nahi ho ra toh I just send them an email 'working from home today'.
HE: Hmmm.
Kabi: How are YOU working from home today?
HE: Our floor is getting remodeled, so.. this week and next week work from home.
Kabi: Oh.
Anudeep: Arey haan! After your floor is done they'll come down to our floor na?
HE: Yeah, they're going top down.
Anudeep: Fir merko 2 hafte k liye chutti! 🤗
HE: Chutti? Work from home.
Anudeep: Haan, haan.
Kabi: Soch ra hun yeh bari behen ko budday pe kuch na dun.
Anudeep: Hmmm. Sirf reimbursement lo tum, gift wagera dene ki zarurat nahi.
# Anudeep gets a reminder on his laptop
Anudeep: Oh shit meeting hai!
# He takes his laptop into his room
HE: Kyun?
Kabi: Just 3 months ago I gifted her an iPhone. Zyada laad bhi acha nahi hota.
HE: 😁
HE: Toh kuch greeting card jaisa de de?
Kabi: Bahut mehenat hai yaar.
# HE shakes his head in disappointment
# They get back to working on their laptops
HE: She's still in Hyderabad right?
Kabi: Yeah.. My brother-in-law is trying for the US. So I don't know.. they might move, in the future, maybe!?
HE: Ohh, that's nice!
# HE gets back on his laptop while Kabi is still thinking
Kabi: You know I was thinking the other day, had it not been for my sister I wouldn't even have completed high school. lol
HE: Why?
Kabi: Arey mai, Maths me bahut ganda tha yaar. She's the one who taught me division, linear algebra. Wo hota hai na plus minus minus, minus minus plus.
HE: Haan.
Kabi: I never really understood that. And you know what's funny? She's not even good at maths. lol
Kabi: But she is the one who taught me the basics.
HE: Shii, linear algebra bhi nahi aata tha.
Kabi: And food!
Kabi: Sare ache dishes usi ne mujhe bataye hain! Chicken Chettinad, Triple Schezwan fried rice!
HE: Triple Schezwan fried rice yaar!! 😍
Kabi: Paneer tikka masala! Warna mai toh bas butter paneer hi manga ta tha.
Kabi: Usne mujhe bataya ki Gobi Manchurian ko fried rice ya noodles k saath khate hain. Mai toh hamesha aise hi dry khata tha.
HE: Dry aur wet dono aate hai na.
Kabi: Haan, lekin mujhe pata hi nahi tha na.
HE: But now you know.
HE: Noob kahin ka.
Kabi: 😒
# HE gets up and walks to the kitchen
HE: Coffee lega?
Kabi: Boost.
# HE starts preparing
HE: Chalo acha hai! Itne dino baad work from home karne mil raha hai. Waise bhi kai dino se jane ka mann nahi kar ra tha.
HE: Sometimes I just.. don't feel like interacting with anyone at work, not like I hate them but it's just that.. I don't want to be talking to anyone. It's more like, "I just want to be by myself. Please leave me alone!". Mann hi nahi karta yaar, bas mann hota hai ki apna kaam karo aur nikalo, kisi se baat nahi karni.
Kabi: Ekdum! Mere saath bhi yehi hota hai, mujhe toh office bhi jane ka mann nahi hota, aisa lagta hai "office jaunga, baat karna padega sab se, arey yaar!"
Kabi: Isiliye work from home best hai.
HE: Tujhe toh office jana chaiye ulta. Social anxiety hone lagegi kuch time baad.
Kabi: Abhi hi hoti hai yaar! 😧
# HE shakes his head in disappointment
Kabi: But aise hi acha hai. I hate humans 😊
HE: Nikal lavde. Abhi nikal ghar se!
# Anudeep walks out of his room with his laptop
Anudeep: Ho gaya aaj ka! Ab bas 3 baje ek meeting hai, half an hour ki, uske baad me chutti. 😊
Anudeep: So lete hain thoda. Nahi, naha lete hain, fir sote hain.
HE: Haan.
# HE comes out of the kitchen with two cups
HE: Kaam chod k sab kar le.
Anudeep: Kitna demotivating hai yaar tu.
# HE sits on the sofa and hands the cup to Kabi
HE: Demotivating se yaad aya. I was thinking, mai, job change kar lun?
Anudeep: Kya?.. Tere manager ko heart attack aa jayega.
HE: Isliye toh karna hai!
Kabi: Suddenly kya hua?
HE: Arey.. Besides me there were 2 other senior developers in my team. One left the company and the other got fired. Ab sab mere upar aa gaya hai aur yeh log org restructure k chakkar me recruitment bhi nahi kar rahe abhi!
Kabi: Why did they fire him?
Anudeep: Yeah, why did he get fired?
HE: Uhhh.. He was too arrogant. He just wouldn't agree upon a solution and just, meaninglessly dragged issues. A lot of people clashed with him, he was already on thin ice.
Anudeep: Kya naam tha uska?
HE: Charan.
Anudeep: Haan 😁 meri team wale bhi uski baat karte the.
HE: Mujhe recruiters k emails aye hain. Soch ra hun ek do ko respond kar dun.
Kabi: Aisa hi hota hai bhai, jab job hoti hai na tab lagta hai kahin bhi mil jayega. Sari opportunities toh mere liye hi bani hain, sari postings, sare requirements.. Aisa lagta hai, “arey yeh!! Yeh toh meri profile se full match karta hai!”
HE: 😁
Kabi: Aur jaise hi unemployment hit karta hai, sab khidaki k bahar. Ek interview nahi aata.
Anudeep: I think the same goes for relationships, right? Single rehete waqt kabootar bhi tum par tatti nahi karta, lekin jab relationship me rehete ho toh puri duniya bas tumhe hi dekhti hai, har dil k Ranbir Kapoor tum hote ho. And the minute you are single - ‘Eww, what a creep!’
Kabi: 😅
HE: Tere saath hua hai kya 😏
— APARNA’S OFFICE —
/* Aparna is at her desk and closely reading a report on her monitor and tallies it with the notes in her notebook */
Aparna: Sahi toh hai, 28% ka hi toh prediction hai..
Aparna: I don’t think they went through the SharePoint updates.
# She goes to her outlook and starts replying to an email.
# A few seconds later she gets a text on her phone
Utsav: I need some more time.. I don’t want to be thinking about marriage right now.
Aparna: What?? Where is this coming from?
# Sends it
Aparna: Did you already forget?? YOU were the one who convinced me for marriage and NOW you want to back out?????
# She stares at the text for a second then erases it and calls him up
# Utsav declines
# Aparna exclaims “pchkk! 😠”
Utsav: My parents are around I can’t talk right now.
Aparna: BUT I NEED TO!!
Aparna: What the hell happened all of a sudden!!!
Utsav: Pleasee…
Aparna: What please!!?
Utsav: We’ve talk about it before, I don’t wanna talk about it now.
# Aparna is visibly frustrated 😠, She puts her hand on her head
# and later proceeds to gather her stuff and put it in her bag
# Her co-worker walks by
Co-worker: You’re leaving?
Aparna: Haan. Tabiyat thik nahi lag rahi yaar.
Co-worker: Tu… finance distribution meeting me nahi hai kya?
Aparna: Wo aaj hai!!?? 😳
Co-worker: Yeah, it’s in 5 minutes. I’m heading to the conference room.
Aparna: pchkk 😔
Co-worker: But that’s okay, don’t worry, I’ll tell them you’re not feeling well.
Aparna: Nahi yaar. I can’t miss this 😔 I have some questions for the business & if I miss it I won’t be able to get hold of them until the next month.
# They both go to the conference room together.
# The meeting commences and they start discussing. Aparna is staring at her laptop screen and thinking about Utsav
# one of the stakeholders says
Stakeholder: I know Aparna had some questions about the normalized income vs the interest income for last two years. So do you guys wanna talk about that?
Meeting host: Sure. Aparna can you pull up the reports for 2019 and 2020?
Meeting host (jokingly): Uhmm, Aparna can you hear us?
Aparna: Oh! I’m sorry, I was just a little distracted.. reading another email. What was the question?
Meeting host: That’s fine 🙂. Can you pull up the fin report for ’19 & ’20?
Aparna: Sure!
# They all come out the meeting. Aparna walks back to her desk as she is deeply lost in her thoughts
# She gets to her desk and immediately takes her phone out and texts Utsav
Aparna: Is it because you’re punjabi and I’m not?!
Utsav: Can we PLEASE not talk about this right now!
# She sits there, staring at the response, anxiously thinking about stuff
— SHRADDHA’S ROOM —
/* Shraddha is in her bed all tucked in, the lights are off, she is scrolling through her phone */
/* SHE walks in & turns on the light */
Shraddha: 😣 mhhhhh, band rehene de na light!
SHE: Kya andhere me padi hui hai!
Shraddha: sone de na thodi der! 😫
SHE: kya kiya tune pure din?
Shraddha: maine??
Shraddha: Oh I had a very busy day!
SHE: acha!
Shraddha: I made egg bhurji, then I took a bath, then I IRONED my clothes!! 😯 Can you believe that!!
SHE: hmmm kya baat hai! Bahut kaam kiya hai aaj toh madam ne
Shraddha: Hai na!!
SHE: Chup!
Shraddha: 😒
Shraddha: How come late today?
SHE: Madam if you get out of the house.. you will find something called as ‘traffic’.
Shraddha: kyun aise pareshan kar rahi hai mujhe? 😔
# Shraddha turns around and pushes her face into the pillow
# She casually grabs shraddha's phone and opens the music player
SHE: who's this artist?
Shraddha: who?
SHE: How do you pronounce his name?
# shraddha leans over to look
Shraddha: I don't know. Yesterday Kabi was playing songs from my phone.
She: Is it pronounced? black or 6lack?
Shraddha: hmm.
# Silence
Shraddha: maybe it’s both.
SHE: dono kaise ho sakta hai!?
Shraddha: for all the people thinking its black do you think he wouldn't respond if we called him 6lack? And for those thinking its 6lack, do you think he wouldn't respond if we called him black?
SHE: hmm.
SHE: racist
Shraddha: 🤷♀️ don't have such a name then.
SHE: yaar tu jobs k liye apply karna shuru kar de na?
# shraddha sighs
SHE: 4 mahine se ghar pe hi toh baithi hai.
Shraddha: I am not sure yaar
SHE: Now don’t give me that bullshit k 9-5 job nahi hoti tere se 😒
Shraddha: It’s not that, it’s just.. I am not sure what I want to do.
SHE: Arey but-
Shraddha: but mujhe itna pata hai k mujhe wapis data analyst toh nhi banna.
SHE: That's fine, there are so many other positions in IT.
Shraddha: I just don't want to work in IT, is what I am saying.
SHE: Hmmm.
SHE: Toh karna kya hai tujhe fir?
Shraddha: I dont know.. Football me agar kuch ho jaye toh...
SHE: Football??
SHE: Don't tell me terko abhi football player banna hai!!?
Shraddha: nahi!!!
SHE: Toh?
SHE: Baccho ko coaching degi fir??
Shraddha: kyun nhi de sakti??
SHE: Okay. Did you play football, at all, growing up?
Shraddha: no 😔
SHE: Don't be ridiculous Shradz!
SHE: Kab tak tu yeh Anudeep Kabilan k saath FIFA khelti rahegi?
Shraddha: Aisa nahi hai? I beat them also 😁
# SHE shakes her head
Shraddha: Arey yaar, I really don’t know mujhe kya karna hai.. but mai wohi job fir se nahi kar paungi.
SHE: Lekin kab tak aise? Shraddha you have no income coming in.
Shraddha: Thodi bahut savings hain, itna toh kaam kiya tha. Plus PF ka paisa bhi aa jayega 2, 3 weeks me
SHE: Uncle aunty mujhe puchte rehete hain.. Kisi job k liye apply kiya usne? Kya karti hai wo pure din? Tu toh bolne nahi wali unhe kuch.
Shraddha (slightly livid): What do I tell them? I only don’t know what I want to do! Aur waise bhi wo log nahi sunte hain yaar, kai baar bola hai maine unhe.
Shraddha: You know right, what will happen if go back home!
Shraddha: Shaadi kara deni hai unhe meri!
# SHE comes close and sits next to her
SHE: Toh ghar jane ko kaun bol ra hai?
SHE: Mai bhi toh nahi rehe paungi na tere bina.
Shraddha: Awww
# Shraddha hugs HER
Shraddha: but you know I hate you right?
SHE (admitting): I do.
SHE: chal chaat kha k aate hain!
# Shraddha pulls back
Shraddha: Abhi!
SHE: Chal na pav bhaji kha k aate hain! I’m hungry 😩
Shraddha: No way! The match starts in an hour.
SHE: Really?? So Arsenal is more important than me now!!
Shraddha: 😔 Please na! Maggi bana le na!
SHE: One slap only I’ll give you! Chal abhi.
Shraddha: uhmm 😞
# Shraddha moves her ass reluctantly
SHE: Phone me dekh sakti hai na! Phir kyun natak kar rahi hai!
Shraddha: TV pe dekhna hai 😔
— X —
Comments
Post a Comment